Accidentally sexist

Sometimes I forget I'm a woman. I've always been "one of the bros". I work with all men, I make friends easier with men, I find it easier to converse with them. I've heard it said, and said often myself, that I am more man-ish in my mannerisms and thought processes. I'm not terribly emotional, and I tend to be rather blunt and honest, and often times I am completely oblivious to social cues. I even suffer from kitchen blindness, as my sister will gladly tell you (I can cook, but damn if I can't find all the spices I need for it). I know a few women who are very similar to I, but often, we see these traits more present in men than in women. Oftentimes I find myself misunderstood by other women, and misunderstanding other women, and in the past, rather than confronting these issues head-on and loving the women around me, I just turn to the company of men, and forget about ministering to my sisters completely. 

So here's where I find myself, in a world of men and manly things. I don't mind, in fact I enjoy it quite heartily. I want to lift weights and be strong. I like to play video games and watch action movies. I like to build things with my hands and drink beer, and generally I find I am more comfortable hanging out with the bros then the ladies. (Seriously though, going to the mall is the worst)

I didn't really consider myself sexist. I would consider myself a feminist and a complementarian. The differences in the sexes combine to create a more complete and much more beautiful depiction of the nature of God than any one gender could. Sometimes, I just find myself wanting to study those differences far away from the emotional drama hole that I tend to assume female friendships to be. 

You guys know what I am talking about. I've had numerous conversations with men and women about how catty and dramatic women are, and how it's just easier and more peaceful to have guy friends. So there I find myself, ostracizing people because of their gender, and that my friends is sexism. 

The truth of this statement first hit me between the eyes when I was reading Relevant magazine's post "Why We Need to Read More Women". This article really was a punch in the gut for me. I realized right off the bat that I almost always dismiss a book completely if it's written by a woman (particularly if it's theological). Consequently, I began to see more and more the true depths of the issue. Like how it didn't even cross my mind to talk to one of my female pastors about something when the pastor I reached out to was busy. 

Or how I almost always bypass women at social events, because I didn't consider them important, or because I think I would find their companionship lacking. 

Or how I immediately get annoyed when a man offers to ask me with a physical task, because I don't wish anyone to assume I am a weak woman who needs a man's help.

Or how when I hear from a woman in the mission field I automatically assume she must be in some sort of administrative roll, and couldn't possibly be one of the missionaries on the streets doing the dirty work. 

Or how when I'm in a bible study my brain tends to wander as soon as a woman begins to speak, but immediately perks up if her husband chimes in. 

Honestly, I could go on for a long time. It's all so obvious to me now. I am sexist, and irony of ironies, I'm sexist against my own gender. It may manifest in subtle social snubbing rather than hurled insults or physical attack, but the heart behind it is unfortunately the same, and so are the results. 

Right now, I don't really have the answer to this problem. I don't know how it manifested, or what the proper steps are to remedy the situation, but thank God I am aware of it now. I know He is good and will continue to sanctify me, even in issues such as these.

---Edit---

Less than a week after I posted this, the church I work at had all the female staff attend a day long seminar on biblical womanhood. God has a sense of humor.